


when i wake up from a dreamer’s sleep

by mother_fisher



Category: Power Rangers
Genre: Angst and Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 10:57:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13234236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_fisher/pseuds/mother_fisher
Summary: The first time Jason kissed him, Billy shoved him so hard he flew across the room.





	when i wake up from a dreamer’s sleep

**Author's Note:**

> ringing in the new year with an updated version of an old cranscott ficlet. 2018 is the year of them getting the appreciation they deserve.
> 
> title from “we don’t believe what’s on tv” by twenty one pilots because jason stans

The first time Jason kissed him, Billy shoved him so hard he flew across the room. Then he has a panic attack.

Billy has kissed before, three times to be exact, and two of those times had been with guys, thank you very much. There had been Alisha Hughes in fifth grade, who had been his best friend at the time and volunteered to test his theory when he proposed that he might not like girls _that_ way (it was safe to say that he did not. Alisha was a very good sport about all of this). Then, there was Michael Johnson in eighth grade, who was very nice but only kissed him because was moving to San Diego the following week, followed by Brandon Watanabe, who he dated briefly in tenth grade and who dumped him after telling him that Jonathan Roth was decidedly more interesting. That had been a good choice from Brandon in the end, he and Jonathan were still dating and, admittedly, made a very attractive couple.

The point, though, was this: Billy had kissed. Three whole times, and never, not even when it was with Alisha (which was very wet and very dry at the same time) had he reacted the way he had with Jason, and he liked him more than he'd liked any of the others. So much more.

Jason wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and shook his head, struggling to get up from where he'd crashed into Billy's closet. “There might, _might_ , have been a gentler way for you to say ‘ _no_ ’, Billy.” he said good-naturedly and, _God_ , Billy could love him, he really could. Only when he tried to say that, nothing came out except a strangled sound in his throat.

Because, right, totally out of the blue, mood-killing panic attack.

“Billy?” Jason asked, making his way over to where he sat on his bed, before stopping about two feet away, as if remembing what just happened. “Billy are you ok—”

Water.

It was _everywhere_. In his lungs, in his nose, in his mouth. And he couldn't see anything. He blinked rapidly but nothing made a difference, everything was black. He could hear screaming, but it was faint through all the water, and he couldn't _move_ , his arms were pinned to his sides, and he couldn't _breathe_ , he just took in lungfuls of water until it burned. He was thrashing around but his arms would budge, and he couldn't see the surface of the water above him. His chest moved faster as his breathing quickened, but it only made the ache in his chest worse. His eyelids drooped as he worked to get to the surface, the screaming faded into nothing, and he felt himself sink—

“Billy?! Billy!” Jason was shaking him now, uncaring of the fact that the last time they'd touched Billy threw him across the room.

“You're blurry.” Billy replied, dazedly, eyes squinty, adjusting to the fluorescence of his bedroom.

“Oh, thank God.” Jason breathed, sinking to the floor, chest heaving as he took deep breaths.

They stayed quiet for awhile, Billy lying back on his bed, Jason leaning against it on the floor, both of them breathing hard.

“Billy. What—what was that?” Jason asked after a while, sounding shaken and concerned and like he already knew all at the same time.

Billy sat up with a sigh, closing his eyes. They stung like they’d been bathed in salt, like he was still there. He opened them. “I just, um, had a flashback,” he said, trying to sound calm though his voice was trembly.

Jason looked at him with concern and realization. “Of what?” his voice was soft, but insistent, leaving no room for argument.

Billy tried anyway. “Jason, I don't—”

“Billy,” Jason said, in his ‘I'm-the-boss-listen-to-me’ voice, “tell me.”

“Drowning.” Billy admitted. “Of the night I-I—”

Jason sucked air through his teeth. “Okay, you don't have to—you don't have to say anymore.”

“I panicked.” He confessed, ignoring what Jason said, head hung. “When you kissed me, I just. I don't know, I forgot to breathe? And I just—I couldn't.”

“I shouldn't have pushed you.” Jason broke in. “I was afraid I was going too fast, but I ignored it because I like you _so_ _much_ and I was being selfish. I—”

“Jason, please.” Billy rubbed his eyes. “It's not your fault. I’m just. I _wanted_ you to kiss me, I still do. But, I don't know when—” he stopped himself, and looked down at Jason who was staring at him with calm, understand eyes.

“I don't know when it won't feel like I'm suffocating.”

Jason's eyes turned sad. He put his hand on Billy's arm and tugged, until he was sitting on the floor next to him. Jason wrapped his arms around him, pulling Billy close to his chest, them took his hand in his.

“I'll wait as long as you need.” Jason said, rubbing a hand up and down Billy's spine.

“What if I never—? What if I can't ever—?” he stuttered.

Jason shushed him, pulling Billy impossibly closer, he pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Forever then. I'll wait forever.”

Billy closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> do i overuse italics? yes
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


End file.
